Sick!
by NOT 100 PERCENT GERMAN
Summary: The Millenium Group's beginning. It's quite sick. -THE END-
1. 1933

Sick  
  
---  
  
1933  
  
Alucard ran up to Hitler and whined, "Can I be a Nazi too? PLEASEEEEEE??!"  
  
Hitler covered his nose in disgust, "You again? I hate you. Leave. You reek of Vienna sausage." Alucard was shocked. Tears burst out of his eyes. Hitler ran away because he could not accept the smell of dead animal any longer. A veggieburger smacked Alucard in the skull, causing him to have seizures for some dumb reason 'cos, like, Alucard sucks.  
  
Piggy tried to run after Hitler, but he couldn't. He was too heavy. His under developed legs couldn't carry all the fat and German chocolate cakes hidden under his coat. "Hey, Herr Wolf. Can I be a Nazi?" asked Piggy, batting his eyelashes to persuade Der Führer a bit more. Hitler turned around, smiled a great smile, and pinched Piggy's flabby cheeks."Aww...you're so cuute!" said Hitler. "Ja!"  
  
-The Next Wonderful Day at a Pub-  
  
Piggy was showing off his SS uniform to all the drunk whores. "Ja, I met Der Führer. He told me I was cute enough to become SS-Hauptscharführer right away 'cos like I'm beautifuller than all of you."  
  
Doc was furious. "You're lying, you Scheisskopf!" He pushed Piggy, but failed at knocking him over. Piggy stuck his tongue out. "Says the man with his navel showing." Doc burst into tears. "It's not my fault nobody in Germany makes clothing that will fit over my hunchback!" This story made all the drunk men sad and then they too began crying. "I'm sorry...uhh...what's your name?"  
  
"Doc."  
  
"SICK. Doc, I'm sorry. Would you like to become an SS man too?"  
  
"Ach, I don't know...I've always wanted to become a-"  
  
"YAY! I will tell Der Führer now!"  
  
"NEIN. LISTEN, YOU!"  
  
It was too late. Piggy was gone...which is rather amazing. I mean, he's so fat and yet he managed to run away before Doc could slap his fat.   
  
-Hitler's Lair-  
  
Piggy ran up to Hitler and hugged him. "Oh, mein Führer! I met this man. He wants to join too." Hitler was disappointed in Piggy's behaviour, but he forgot about that after Piggy hypotised him with his jiggling his fat. Doc slapped Piggy and yelled, "STOP THAT!" Piggy stopped. Der Führer looked at Doc's navel then his hunchback. "Ew. Disgusting. Well, you can be a SS-Mann."   
  
"Why is my rank so low? I must know!" demanded Doc. Piggy jiggled. Hitler became hypnotised again und changed his mind, "Alright. You can be a SS-Oberscharführer."   
  
"YAY!" squealed Piggy and he hugged Doc.   
  
"Sick! Get away from me!" screamed Doc.  
  
-Some Street-  
  
Doc and Piggy were walking down some street.   
  
"I like being a Nazi," said Piggy.  
  
"Sick. I don't. Everyone laughs at my hunchback," complained Doc.  
  
"Forget about them," jiggled Piggy. Doc rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving Piggy alone. He looked around for a whore or something. "Quite a jiggly fellow, isn't he?" commented a man (WTF I don't know) from behind.  
  
"Yes. It's frightening, actually," replied Doc.  
  
"OMG WHAT ABOUT MY JIGGLING!" asked Piggy, jiggling some more. The jiggling. THE JIGGLING. Suddenly, the man became quiet. "Look what you've done, Piggy. You silenced my new friend! I HATE YOU!" Doc grabbed his new friend by the arm and rushed to a strip club thing. Or whatever. I don't care. God. Sadly, it was full of jiggly women. Doc covered his friend's eyes and took him to a supermarket or something. Now he could interrogate him.  
  
"What's your name?" asked Doc, batting his eyes like Piggy did when he persuaded Hitler.  
  
"Hans Günsche. But people call me Captain...I don't know why," replied Captain.  
  
"Sick. My name is Doc. I don't have a real name. My mother hates me. *sob* Are you related to Otto Günsche?"  
  
"Sick! Of course not," answered Captain with his eyes shifting all over the place. "Does your jiggly 'friend' always smell like old milk?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Piggy popped up from the pile of lettuce and jiggled. "OMG! I found you! EEEEEE!" He hugged them both. Once again, Captain became quiet and gave Piggy Mason lamps.  
  
"Damnit, Piggy! I eat lettuce!" roared Doc. He slapped Piggy. Piggy jiggled. Captain's eyes grew bigger.  
  
A scrawny woman (at least I think it is woman) walked over to them. She commented on their uniforms, "Ohh...how handsome!" They tried not to be rude by screaming. "Are you a man?" asked Piggy. The woman, Rip, was surprised. She had never been called a man before. It almost brought her to tears. Captain patted her boney back.  
  
"Rude!" snarled Doc. He smacked the back of Piggy's head. "Please excuse Piggy. He is too stupid to know anything."  
  
"It's alright," said Rip. "Oh. You must meet Schrodinger."  
  
"Oh. The Austrian scientist?"   
  
"No. Sick."  
  
A Hitler Youth jumped out of nowhere and hugged Piggy. "SO CUTE!" observed the boy thing.  
  
"Are you a girl?" asked Piggy. He was deeply in love with the boy.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh. I will love you anyways."  
  
"Yay!"  
  
Doc and Captain couldn't help but vomit.  
  
"Eww! DISGUSTING!" remarked the other three.  
  
Nothing interesting happened until Hitler danced up to them. Piggy, being Piggy, was in the way of Der Führer, and was stepped all over.   
  
"WTF OW!!" cried Piggy. Hitler was too into the dancing to hear the cries of pain. "Anyone who can, like, make 5,472 vampires out of nothing can, like, be set free, man..."  
  
Doc was so happy. He'd been researching on that for 2 months. "I'll do it, mein Führer!" Laughing came from the distance. He sobbed. "No, really! I can do it!" The laughing became louder. Doc had no choice but to pull out his demented fetus vampire in a jar from his coat. The laughing stopped. Everyone began to cry.  
  
"Ew!! Very well. Here is 2 pfenning," sighed Hitler. Then he danced away.  
  
---  
  
To be continued and stuff. I'm very sorry. Not. AHHAHAHSFDGADH 


	2. 1934

Sick  
  
---  
  
1934  
  
-Some Nazi Lab Thing-  
  
Doc poked at the carcass with a scalpel. It smelt like Heinz. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and took a long gulp of Coke. The other doctors sweat buckets while they watched Doc drink his Coke. The thirst was killing them off. Doc threw his last bottle at the bin.  
  
"Well..I don't know, Doc. But I think maybe we should stop for the month. I have a family you know..." suggested one doctor.  
  
"NO!"  
  
The doctors began to cry. Doc rolled his eyes and turned around. A dark figure emerged from the bin.  
  
"UNCLE DOC!" screeched the figure. He ran up to Doc and hugged him.  
  
"Oh NO! It's you again! HFGASJKDF JAN! I am not related to any Valentines!" cried Doc.  
  
"OMG YOU HATE ME I think I'll kill myself!"  
  
"No! NO! Please don't."  
  
"WTF I'M PULLING THE TRIGGER!"  
  
"Jan. Wait until I've figured out how to make vampires."  
  
"OK! WEEEE!!"  
  
The doctors stopped crying and began laughing.  
  
"Shut up! All of you!" Doc slapped them all. One by one. The crying started again.  
  
Luke appeared out of the bin as well. Doc and Jan absolutely hated him. He was just wrong. Luke staggared towards Piggy and grabbed his flabby bottom. "Hey sexay." Everyone stopped what they were doing.  
  
"WTF!" said Piggy.  
  
Schrodinger became sad. How could he like someone who doesn't have a lederhosen as small as mine?! he wondered. After thinking for 2 minutes, he decided to strangle Luke. And he did. For once, everyone was happy for Schrodinger...but it only lasted for a few seconds. It only lasted for a few seconds because Luke had been eating Doc's chips when he wasn't looking. He had been dumb enough to believe they were crisps.  
  
"SICK! He's alive...HOW? I mean, Schrodinger has kung-fu grip and nobody but G.I. Joe can survive that," said Doc. The doctors shrugged.   
  
"Doc, I think that I saw Luke eating one of those chips you were working on for a year," remembered Jan.  
  
"OH NO! He's an umpire now! NOOOOOOO!!"  
  
"What's an umpire?" asked Luke, stupidly.  
  
"Nothing, you knave." Luke was hurt. He began to cry a high pitched squeal. Jan smacked his glasses off and attached himself to Doc. "AHHH! AHFJKFGHJKFD!! GET OFF!" He ran around the lab, knocking over pans, test tube racks, Piggy...Doc stopped. He thought about what he did and decided to step on Piggy again to kill him. But Piggy will never die. It's impossible.  
  
Rip marched in. Captain quickly turned his head towards her. She slapped him and said, "I'm sorry. I am a man."   
  
"Well, we kinda already knew that, Rip," commented Joleen.  
  
"SHUT UP! *sob*"  
  
"You need boobs, Rip. Great big melons. Like mine! Would you like to feel how realistic and soft mine are?"  
  
"No. Not now. I have to offend more people."  
  
"Ah. Ok."  
  
"Could I feel?" asked Piggy. He reached out, but before he could touch it, Joleen chopped off his head. Blood spewed everywhere.  
  
"Cool!" exclaimed Jan.  
  
Sadly, Piggy's head reattached itself. Doc screwed up his face...but realised his chips worked, and did a German dance. He began to slap everyone left and right....The German Way, of course! All the men in the room began to fight noisily. Joleen whimpered and cowered in a corner. Everyone tried to make Holeen notice how smexy and couragous (WTF) they were but it was too late. She had escaped with a male prostitute to Russia. Or something. They became sad...so Rip tried to comfort them buy embracing them, but they rudely declined by running away. Some went to Auschwitz* 'cos they'd rather go there than hug that pile of bones. Piggy jiggled.  
  
"WTF This is going nowhere!" said Doc. This chapter sucks so much, Doc Docslapped™ it away to Crappy Story Hell®. Piggy thought it was the Piggy Show™ so he ran away blubbering. Captain tried to escape all that is evil through the vent. Unfortunatly, there was only one vent....And it led to Piggy's dressing room. Captain averted his eyes when he saw Piggy trying on lingerie. Piggy spotted him and jiggled. The fat man jumped all the way to the vent and grabbed Captain's face. He used all the mighty fat in his body to squish Captain.  
  
"PERVY!!" screamed the Piggy. Doc was disgusted. He kicked down the props and grabbed Piggy by the fat.   
  
"Don't you EVER dress up like Rip again! Sickening!" yelled Doc. In the shadows, was Rip. She heard and saw everything and ran away crying for a few decades. Piggy decided to go on the Get Fatter Each Chapter and Manga Diet. People respect a fat leader. WTF. I think. Doc and Captain planned to make an escape vent..but it was cancelled because so many Nazis were swarming around Doc and demanding to be chipped. Doc went into a nervous breakdown and ran off to dress up as a whore to protect himself from Nazi whores. Captain became silent for good. Jiggle.  
  
---  
  
Horrible. To be continued.  
  
Thank you, Sad, for giving me ideas for this chapter. Tee-hee! *bats her eyelashes* SICK WTF I didn't do that.   
  
*Auschwitz was established in 1940. I forgot to note that. WTF. 


	3. 1935

Sick  
  
---  
  
1935  
  
As Captain and Doc climbed through the Escape the Horror Vent, they bumped into Hitler.   
  
"Ew. Don't touch me. I have a new plan," announced Der Fuhrer. "Doc, I've seen you whimper and release negative vibes into the air of the Gods, so like, I'll send you to some secret farm or something to hide you from the annoying Nazis."  
  
"Could you add Piggy to the list of annoying Nazis?" asked Doc.  
  
"WTF No. He's like your puss. Take care of him because he is too stupid to know anything."   
  
Doc began to cry again for the 2039825791 time. Hitler disappeared in a puff of dust. Doc cried and coughed. Yeah. Then there was a squeaking sound and a cry of "HELP!". Doc and Captain looked at eachother. They conversed about this event, and decided that it could be a whore. Both crawled to the noise. Suprise. It was Piggy. He was sweating like a paedo in a playground and jiggling like he was having a seizure.  
  
"OMG! DOC! CAPTAIN! HELP MEEEEEE!!" cried Piggy.   
  
"WTF! No," said Doc. Captain watched the jiggling in fear. Piggy moved forward, thanks to the sweat. Sick. Ugh...sdhgaiuhgt It was almost as scary as when Rip admitted she was a man back in primary school. WTF. Hitler poked Doc. "Oh ja, don't forget..." reminded Hitler. They looked at eachother. Hitler smacked Doc with his Beerstein.  
  
"Ach-SIEGITY HEIL--HEIL HITLER!" said all three. Hitler smiled and escaped. GEKHFGA Then they followed the light.  
  
-Some Secret Farm Thing-  
  
"WTF It's so nice and stuff," admired Doc. "It needs new drapes though..they don't match the carpet." Piggy smeared chocolate on the drapes.  
  
"Now it matches," said Piggy. Doc smacked Piggy's fat. Jiggle.   
  
Annnnnnnyways, Doc sat down at his desk and began to poke at a chip. He paused. A noise in the distance was familiar. Doc rushed to the window and saw what he hated the most. Laughing Nazis. He began to cry.  
  
"Ja, ja! Wir sind strange alle Vier extrem labil/wir machen Musik ohne Anspruch ohne Ziel/wir sind/charakterlos und uns fehlt Profil/ha, ha deine Mudder!" sang the Laughing Nazis. With their guns and sticks, they smashed the window and crawled into Doc's "study area". He decided crying would attract them more...or something. They continued rapping their lovely rap.  
  
Suddenly, the Laughing Nazis stopped. The roof collapsed, and the wood smashed Doc's head and knocked him out. They looked up and saw their pimp, Alhmabra.  
  
"I LOST A CUSTOMER THANKS TO YOU WHORES!" complained Alhambra. The Nazis grumbled and looked at eachother. Alhambra hugged himself and began to cry. Whatever. This isn't important.  
  
Two hours later, Doc awakened. He felt the sticky puddle of chocolate milk that drained out of his skull. The door smacked open and Piggy poked his head out.  
  
"ARE YOU DONE YET? WTF!" asked Piggy.  
  
"Yes, of course," replied Doc. He grabbed Schrodinger and shoved the chip in his cranium.   
  
Silence. Minutes passed.  
  
Drool dribbled out of Schrodinger's mouth.  
  
Hours passed.  
  
Finally, something interesting almost happened. Schrodinger's ears exploded (Is that even a word?) and he shrieked with pain. Blood squirted out of what use to be his ears. Doc clapped. He enjoyed inflicting pain on others he hated. After thirty seconds of unbearable pain, Doc became aggravated and stapled cat ears on Schrodinger's earholes or something.  
  
"There. Now you are a Werwolf," said Doc. Schrodinger squealed with happiness.  
  
---  
  
HJFKHG WRITER'S BLOCK OMG SOBS  
  
Crappy rap is copyrighted Fünf Sterne Deluxe in case they are Nazis and read crappy fanfics. 


	4. 1936

Sick  
  
---  
  
1936  
  
Rip slapped Doc.  
  
"I want to be a vampire, too!" demanded Rip.  
  
"Wait your turn!" asked Doc.  
  
Rip began to blubber. "It's...Kouta Hirano's fault. He drew me in an SS uniform and I don't have socks!   
  
Sometimes he draws you without blood, and Captain's head gets fatter and, und, en, och-"  
  
Doc was offended. "-I am wounded! Shut up, woman, or I'll hit you with Maxwell's silver hammer!   
  
Mordor på måfå! Smörgås!" Rip immediatly shut her mouth and made Doc a smörgås. She walked back to him.  
  
"Snygg hårig pung-" replied Rip, evilly.  
  
"-WTF. Ruhe! I'll turn you into a vampire, just SHUT UP!htgrdjl!" He threw a chip at her face, and   
  
hid under a cardboard box. He waited and watched the results. Rip jiggled and Piggy was jealous. Yes,   
  
he was very jealous. She jiggled and squiggled and exploded. WTF. I need a larger variety of vocabulary.   
  
Hmm. Anyways, Rip was a vampire. There. And she had shark teeth, which Doc decided to get rid of because it reminded him of  
  
pencil sharpeners. Somebody tugged on Doc's coat.  
  
"WTF DO YOU WANT? SJDIJAOIHGREW!" yelled Doc.  
  
"I BET MEIN FUHRER WILL LOVE MY EARS!" boasted Schrodinger.  
  
"Shut up, you poohole! Hitler hates cats and he will never love you! Ha ha ha! He loves me!"   
  
replied Piggy. Schrodinger burst into tears and slit his wrists with a butter knife. Everybody laughed at his   
  
patheticness. Doc rubbed his face and mumbled to himself, "I need to go on vacation.."  
  
"I WILL GO WITH YOU!" decided Piggy.  
  
"How did you hear me? Nevermind, that isn't important. WTF. Just stay away from me. Jan will come..."   
  
"W00t!" screamed Jan.  
  
"..."  
  
"..and Captain, too."  
  
"What about us?" asked the umpires-er-vampires.  
  
"Hmmm...I'll lock you in a room. I don't trust any of you."  
  
"Yay," cheered stupid Piggy as he jiggled with happiness.  
  
-90834295037296572398672398 days later-  
  
In the padded room without windows or doors, the Laughing Nazis rapped, jumped, and posed like Hip G Dawgs. Rip was ripping  
  
out her hair and Schrodinger was eating anything he thought would kill him. Luke stared at the Laughing Nazis and tried  
  
to rap along, but we all know white girls can't rap.  
  
-Some American Road-  
  
Meanwhile, Captain was driving the entire way to Hawaii...of course, Doc reading the maps, Jan asking, "Are  
  
we there yet?" 82437598435 times. After 37482932 miles, Captain finally realised he was driving on the wrong side of the  
  
road, and of course, he changed lanes. Or something. Once again, this isn't important.   
  
"ARE WE THERE YET?" asked Jan.  
  
"NO," replied Doc.   
  
..  
  
BOOM  
  
Captain stopped his 1936 Mercedes-Benz 500K Special Roadster and jumped out to see what he had hit.  
  
It was one of Alucard's victims, James Brown. He was bleeding a river of blood (of course!).  
  
"H-h-help me..." pleaded James Brown.  
  
"WTF IS GOING ON?" asked Doc. Captain pointed at the mangled body.   
  
Doc sighed. He knew he had to work his magic again, and pulled out his wand.  
  
"Uhmm..924809842 uh daoewruifsdjofa and URETIOUAOITRE!" recited Doc.  
  
BAM AND OTHER ONOMATOPOEIC WORDS  
  
James Brown was healed and shiny. He began to sing "Sex Machine". Doc and Captain stared at James Brown's strange dancing.  
  
"Thank you, pusses!" thanked James Brown. "How can I ever repay you?"  
  
"You could kill anybody who gets in our way," suggested Doc.  
  
"Hmm..sounds good," said James Brown. "Goodbye, children! YOW MHHMMM~!"  
  
James Brown danced away into the world.  
  
-HAWAII-  
  
The sun radiated, flashed, sparkled, and glared at the Nazis. Captain perspired the most because he was  
  
carrying all of them including their luggage. They paused and gazed at all the tourists.  
  
"Sick. I hate people," complained Doc. "Let's go home. Turn back to the car, Captain, and drive us back home!"  
  
-Home-  
  
When they arrived back to their farmhouse thing, Doc opened the roof to the isolated padded room. He found that Rip was bald,  
  
Schrodinger was vomiting lead pencils, the Laughing Nazis in the same condition, and Piggy was disturbingly fatter. Almost  
  
as fat as Jabba the Hutt. Piggy yelled, "Let's hide in South America!"  
  
Most of the Nazis were lower ranks than Piggy and the others were followers with nothing else better to do, so they decided  
  
that it was a good idea.  
  
"Why?" asked Doc.  
  
"AREN'T YOU NOSEY? IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" shouted Piggy. When nobody was looking, he pulled out a picture of  
  
his mother and sobbed. "I hate you!" He threw the picture at Rip's head and it shattered into thousands of pieces.  
  
---  
  
Thank you Sad, for helping me. WTF. Again. 


	5. 1944

1944  
  
--  
  
Walter exploded. Captain laughed in his brain or something. Piggy rounded up all his troops and flew to Brazil on a hippo.  
  
The End.  
  
-- 


End file.
